I am sitting in bed today.
I’m not ill, I am blessed with a pair of legs and I haven’t even been working that hard. I’m just having what I call a:
‘Fat Lazy S**t Day’
A ‘Fat Lazy S**t Day’ is a day in which one has the ability to eat like a horse and do nothing but watch re-runs of terrible TV; an extreme Netflix and Chill if you like. It is necessary to have one of these days roughly once a month.
Rules of ‘Fat Lazy S**t Day’ (FLSD):
Rule 1: No one else should be present unless they abide by the rules of FLSD.
The thing about FLSD is that one can embrace all of the following: eating rubbish and feeling disgusting, smelling of bed, having shocking hair and occasionally even parping. In most social situations this is usually unacceptable, therefore the removal of other people is necessary for the up most enjoyment of said day.
Below is me by myself = fine.
Rule 2: One must attempt to move as little as possible for the entire duration of FLSD.
The day is not lazy if you are doing squat thrusts after each man-sized Mars bar. Only small movements to the mouth are required. I do suggest a small amount of effort to place pillows in the correct fashion around your body, but once this is in place and the food is distributed around the pillows, no further movement should be necessary.
Exception to Rule 2:*
Sadly, when eating and drinking on FLSD, one’s body occasionally ruins the day by wanting to expel food.
This causes trauma to the individual involved in said day:
Rule 3: Stock up heavily prior to the occasion.
Adhere to your social calendar and work out when you have the capacity for a FLSD.
Once this has been done, make sure you are ready for the day by filling up your stocks of fizzy drinks, popcorn, chocolate, cheese, those weird sausages that are so full of pigs ears and arseholes that they look like anaemic fingers…
I hope you all have the knowledge for a positive experience on your next day of fat laziness.
Please enjoy FLSD responsibly.